Hi, I’m Julia. This week, I tried Chipotle’s queso so you didn’t have to. You’re welcome.
Shocked, disappointed and betrayed: just a few of the emotions I felt after trying the impressively controversial Chipotle Queso.
Please don’t waste your money. I did and look where I am now: writing a hate-fueled rant on a menu item from Chipotle. Let’s get started.
My main issue with the introduction of queso at this fast-casual dining chain is the following: they got rid of the chorizo. Don’t lie to me, Chipotle. You can’t just say “Oh, we didn’t have room for both chorizo and queso on the menu” and expect the rest of us to believe it. We know when we’re being played. I will not stand silent while this injustice is carried out! The people deserve chorizo.
Of course, that’s beside the point. My standards aren’t exactly high: queso is meant to be extremely gooey–slightly reminiscent of movie theater nacho cheese, except you can pretend it’s better for you. It should be a little spicy, but not so little that it’s bland and not so much that your mouth is on fire. So my question to Chipotle is:
How did you manage to mess it up so badly?
How else would I describe the taste of Chipotle queso without using an entirely disgusting analogy? Imagine spilling actually decent queso on the floor, using a soapy sponge to clean it up and then squeezing the watery, sickly-smelling amalgamation into a convenient recyclable container emblazoned with the Chipotle logo. Sound like your idea of a good Friday night? Well, this queso is for you. In the event that you, for some reason, don’t enjoy soapy, watered down cheese goop? Maybe skip out on it.
What is most surprising to me is the sheer amount of ingredients used in the queso. According to the official Chipotle website, the amount of ingredients totals 23. A classic case of overthinking a recipe. Go simple or go home should be a motto in fast food, case in point the Meat Mountain.
I had to make a whole separate category just to describe the torture my taste buds went through whilst eating. Now, you may ask yourself “how can something be runny yet entirely gelatinous at the same time?” Somehow, Chipotle has done it, and none of us are satisfied in the slightest. It also didn’t come hot or even warm, so the cheese had pretty much solidified by the time it got to my table.
Luckily for me, a large serving (about four people) of queso + chips is only $5.25, so it didn’t set me back quite as much as it could have had I gone to an actual restaurant. Definitely not worth the price, though.
If you go to Taco Bell and ask for nacho cheese, they’ll give you some in a little container for free. Even though it smells kinda like plastic and it’s that neon yellow color that is impossible to find in nature, it’s worth it for the low, low price of free. Or, if you’re looking for some actual high-quality queso, go to an actual Mexican restaurant. Though you may have to spend a little more, it’ll be well worth it.
Please don’t get this. It’s not worth it. At least get Moe’s, it’s better than this.
The bar is low.