Love and Relations: Your Best Friend vs. Your Boyfriend

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Dearest readers,

At some time in your life, you’ll probably date someone that your best friend hates. You and your best friend typically see eye to eye, but there’s just something about this guy or girl that your best friend can’t stand. So, what do you do? Trust your best friend? But you loveeeeee him/her. Trust your boyfriend? But your best friend knows you better than anyone else…. It’s a real and real touchy topic and I’m here to help!!

Your friend,

Maia Gibson

Question: If a close friend doesn’t get along with your boyfriend, is it a deal breaker or something to look past?

Answer: How many times has this friend wronged you, made early/incorrect judgements, or led you down the wrong path? If your answer is never or rarely, then you should be able to trust this friend. If they’re always supportive of you and this is the one thing, the one guy, that they just can’t get on board with, that’s probably a red flag. Your pure-hearted BFF has no reason to turn you against him (unless there’s some weird back story like she dated him in 5th grade), so you should take her opinion into serious consideration.

However, if your friend has a history of wronging you, you may want to step back and get another friend’s opinion. You don’t have to immediately shut down your bestie’s opinion, but you’re in the right for being a little skeptical of their motives.

Another factor to consider is…why doesn’t your friend get along with him?If it’s something personal she has against him, she can discuss it with him without you even getting involved. If it’s because they simply have clashing personalities, that doesn’t mean he’s a bad person. But if she sees his “dark side,” parts of him you may be blind to, it’s worth investigating. Maybe she sees something you don’t- like him talking inappropriately about you, being mean to others, or even being unfaithful. If you trust your friend, you should know that she wouldn’t lie about these things. If she thinks these red flags are important enough to share with you, it’s most likely because they are important. But, I don’t think you have to choose between trusting her or trusting your boyfriend. They both (hopefully) care a lot about you, so you should be able to talk to your boyfriend about your worries. Maybe he’ll clear things up and it’ll be a huge misunderstanding that both you and your best friend can move past or maybe he’ll contradict her and you’ll be back to where you started.

So, really, my answer is “it depends.” It depends all on your friend’s reasons for not getting along with him and if those specific reasons are important enough to you to be a deal breaker. If they’re not, your friend should respect that and try their best to at least be civil with your boyfriend. Because, hey, friends are forever!  You can’t expect her to suddenly love him, but she should at least make an effort. I would avoid making any drastic decisions without fully hearing out both sides. Even encourage them to talk it out so all parties involved feel better.

You shouldn’t look past it but you shouldn’t let it be a complete deal breaker. Find the happy medium, based on both your faith in your boyfriend and faith in your best friend. Do what’s healthiest and happiest for you. And if you ultimately trust in the wrong person, hope that the other is there to comfort you.

 

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